I hadn’t made any new cards in awhile. Pam’s death was followed closely by the flu running through our household and then spring break, so my sense of schedule has been a little off. On top of that, my Crohn’s is flaring again, so my energy is really low.
But this week I made some new designs! It’s good to get back to making cards. 
And I’m happy to continue donating 10% my card sales. April’s donations will go to OutFront Minnesota.
Two weeks ago my dear friend Pam died. It was more sudden than we expected and losing her is hitting me hard.
Pam was my appreciation buddy, a brilliant singer, and the truest of friends. She was a beautiful woman with a fantastic laugh, a stunningly bright smile, and reserves of wisdom and caring that boggle the mind.
Pam was such a bright light in the world and in my life, and I miss her every single day.
I met Pam during rehearsals for the women’s world music choir we were in, the Earthtones. I was in awe of Pam’s magnificent deep alto. And even though I was across the room in the soprano section, we found each other early on and became fast friends.
Occasionally I’d help fill out the alto section on a song and we got to sing right next to each other. Bliss!
For a few years Pam and I were in a small group, Juniper Skye, with another wonderful singer and drummer. We didn’t play out a lot, but we had so much fun!
The harmonies we made! The laughing we did! The time we had cake for Kristi’s birthday and my dog ate all of it when we were in the other room! 🤣
We often rehearsed around a little table in the back room of my house. Sometimes our feet would touch and Pam noticed how cold my feet always were.
So… of course she wrote “Vampire Feet”, a fun jazzy number about my tootsies! It was one of my favorite songs.
Pam was my first appreciation buddy. As soon as I started posting my daily appreciations online, Pam joined right in. It made it so much more fun — and easier to stick with — to have a friend doing it, too.
Pam enthusiastically cheered me on whenever I tried something new. She came to almost all of my Seriously Happy classes and her wisdom and energy added so much depth to those experiences — for me and for the whole class.
Our conversations ranged over a huge variety of topics. We talked about cats and art and aging and health. We shared whatever new thing we’d learned or project we were working on (always something!).
We talked about the challenge of healing childhood wounds — and ways we could grow into being even more our authentic selves.
Pam and I sang together during her chemo treatments, cried together when my sister died, and laughed at the absurdities of our lives.
…Like that time in the chemo lounge (Pam’s name for the infusion center) when the musak playing was Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust”! Hilarious.
And we laughed. Every time we talked, we laughed. I can still hear her laughter in my mind. What a beautiful sound.
I can still feel Pam’s light and love around me today, but I am going to miss her the rest of my life. ❤️
The past couple months have been pretty rough.
I knew this holiday season was going to be hard since it was the first one without my dad. What I didn’t know was how much COVID was going to kick my ass — physically and mentally. And, of course, I didn’t foresee my mom being hospitalized from Dec 21-26th for lung complications and breathing problems related to her COVID.
Oooof.
Most of my COVID symptoms resolved or improved after the expected 10 days. But some of the other effects that came on in the following weeks really took me by surprise.
When I came out of isolation, I kept saying that I felt like COVID had somehow broken me. I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I experienced debilitating depression and anxiety, and a month of intense insomnia (4-hour nights 3-4x/week).
After weeks of trying to understand why I couldn’t find any joy or humor (so unlike me — even during my darkest days), why I didn’t want to connect with my friends, didn’t want (or remember) to eat, and couldn’t concentrate…a good friend threw me a lifeline in the form of this podcast recommendation:
The Surprising Link Between COVID and Depression
This information was so helpful. Having an explanation for what I was experiencing was incredibly relieving.
Here’s what I learned.
Around 50% of folks who get COVID will have a depressive or anxious period in the 3 months following the infection. COVID can interfere with our ability to absorb and utilize tryptophan — which is an amino acid that our bodies use to help make melatonin and serotonin.
Melatonin is a hormone that helps with sleep (which explains my intense insomnia).
Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that’s involved in nearly every part of the brain, and is thought to affect a wide variety of things including sleep, appetite, mood, learning and memory, and happiness.
Having an explanation and name for what was happening has helped me so much. I’m continuing to work with my therapist and docs to manage the depression and I now feel hopeful some of the time, which is a huge relief.
And… I realize how fortunate I am that this is a short-lived event for me. I have so much compassion for folks for whom this is an ongoing experience. I am sending out love and deep caring to all of you who are going through a rough time and/or struggle with mental illness. You matter.
Here are a few places that can help if you need support for depression and/or anxiety.
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Anxiety and Depression Association of America
PS – I’m happy to report that although we’re still figuring out the cause of and treatment for my mom’s reduced lung capacity, she is doing better, as well.
This photo sums up so much about the holiday season for me:
Ooooh. I’m excited and dressed up fancy!
Wait…do things seem slightly off-kilter to you? I don’t feel centered.
What. Is. Happening?!
If you are feeling any of the above — or any anything, really — and want a good dose of kindness, join me for my free online class tonight. It is going to be a very good hour.
I hope your December is starting out beautifully! We had a big snowfall the other day and the city is still blanketed with our white wonder.
I didn’t have to do any of the shoveling or drive in the worst of it, though, because my December is starting out COVID-y. 😖 It’s pretty miserable. But as of today I’m through the worst of it — and I get to venture out of my bedroom in my mask!
Fortunately, my partner and kiddo remain well. And we’re doing everything we can to keep it that way.
Getting COVID has put me behind on letting folks know about my upcoming free class, Applied Kindness. If you’re willing to share it with anyone who might be interested, I would really appreciate that!
December has always been a magical month for me. I celebrate holidays with my family, and both my Dad and I have birthdays in December. Plus Solstice. And snow!
This year I’m heading into the season full of both COVID and grief about my Dad, and I’m less excited and prepared for it than usual.
But that’s okay. I am finding comfort and balance by tuning into the simple gift of kindness.
I’ve been on the receiving end of some stunning kindnesses this year. Its effects are both immediate and long-lasting.
For example…Kindness in
While composing myself after a minor episode of public griefy-weeping at church a few weeks ago, someone I recently met came over and held my gaze before saying, “Your emotions look beautiful on you.”
Like I said, stunning kindness.
I think of her comment almost every day.
And that feels really good.
Kindness out…
I doubt she knows how deeply this affected me. As soon as I regain more energy I will make her a beautiful card telling her how much her words meant to me.
And that feels good, too.
Both receiving AND offering kindness are powerful acts with a bunch of positive effects.
In Tuesday’s class (details below), we’ll look at research that explains why kindness is so powerful. We’ll do a gentle somatic exercise, share a few stories, and I’ll give you some simple science-backed tips you can use right away to tap into the gifts of kindness.
If you would like to feel a little more kindness in your life, join me on Tuesday. I would love to see you there!
Applied Kindness
Tuesday, Dec 6: 7-8 pm
Free online class
Well, that was amazing. I hadn’t offered a class since my Dad died and I really wasn’t sure how it would be to teach again. It. Was. Fantastic.
It really does light me up to share the tools I’ve been learning about with other people. I am so grateful that folks show up to share their experiences and questions with me. If you’ve attended any of my classes, please know that you have had a huge impact on my well-being!
Yesterday was World Kindness Day. I didn’t do anything special to recognize it, although I did bypass my introvert tendencies to offer a stranger a heart-felt compliment. (He really did have a beautiful singing voice!) And this morning, a friend offered to pick up groceries while they were at the store — and then delivered them in the snow! It was a fabulous treat.
I’ll be focused on kindness in the coming weeks, though, as I prepare for my upcoming class, Applied Kindness.
Offering these free 1-hour classes is such a good opportunity to go through my hundreds of pages of notes to pull out the most useful bits. It deepens my own understanding — and reminds me to use the tools in my own life!
As you know, I am a huge neuroscience geek, so the science of kindness is endlessly fascinating to me. You can get a good overview in articles like this or this or this. If you just want the highlights and some simple tips for tapping into kindness to improve your well-being, please join me on Tuesday, December 6th at 7 pm for my class. I would love to see you there!
If articles and classes aren’t your jam, but you want to know more about the benefits of kindness, feel free to shoot me an email or keep reading for a few quick tips.
I hope your week is full of kindness!
Benefits of Kindness
Each act of kindness we do generates feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin. And even better, many of these acts of kindness also foster connection with others — a vital component of our well-being.
Acts of kindness have been linked to greater life satisfaction, stronger relationships, and better mental and physical health. And what’s more, you can benefit from kindness by just thinking about something kind you have done for someone else, witnessing someone being kind, or thinking of a time when someone did something kind for you.
Here’s a quick list of kindness pick-me-ups you can try this month.
Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my sister’s death. We just passed the 6-month mark since my Dad’s death, too, so I was feeling especially tender.
My daughter and her partner came over in the morning to spend time with us. We shared donuts and bagels and drank a toast (with Jeni’s favorite coffee drink) to Jeni. It was so good.
I am feeling loved and supported and grateful.
I almost didn’t ask Katie and Cina to come over. I was caught in old patterns of thought that say I shouldn’t ask for support unless it’s absolutely necessary. Ooof.
That thought is not supported by my lived experience (nobody has ever asked me to stop asking for help), nor is it a thought that I stand by.
The idea I do stand by is that we are meant to be interdependent — and that asking each other for help is vital to our relationships and to our well-being.
So as I stumble across the old thoughts, I remind myself how good it feels when someone I love asks for help and I am able to say YES! I remember that even when I’m not able to help, I appreciate being asked. I relish the trust and connection that asking for — and being asked for — help fosters. And then I cry some more. And then I ask for support.
I hope you are finding ways to ask for the support and help you need. And when you do ask for what you need, I hope folks around you are celebrating your willingness to take care of yourself. If it helps, I will be here celebrating your bravery and vulnerability in asking. ❤️
Asking for help is one of the topics I’ll be covering in my class this week, Preventative Self-Care. I’m offering this free class via zoom on Thursday, November 10th from 7:00-8:00 PM.
If you’re interested in learning some research-based self-care tips — both on-the-spot quick tips and ways to build some simple self-care habits, I’d love to see you there!
You can learn more about the class here or jump in and register here.
Here’s to a week of supported interdependence and love! 😊
My dad died in April (obit is here) and I miss him in a hundred different ways. This photo was taken at a little resort up north where my extended family met for a week every summer — for 35 years.
One of the traditions we established was to hand out gag gifts at an “awards” ceremony at the end of the week. Here he is, sporting his gift with his usual good humor.
This is my first summer without my dad and it has been pretty rough.
My sister died a few years ago so I thought I knew what to expect this time around, but it turns out that every death, every loss, every grieving is unique. So I’m starting at square one, again. Which means, for me, more reading.
One of the most comforting books I’ve read this spring is the Welcome to the Grief Club by Janine Kwoh. This wonderfully wise and warm book contains gentle, bite-sized and friendly text and graphics — and it normalizes ALL the ways grief might show up. Reading (and re-reading and picking it up and putting it down) has been so helpful to me. I highly recommend it.
Another way I am coping with my grief is to talk about it. A lot.
A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend about the unpredictable nature of grief and we came up with the idea that grief is like a game show: Wheel — Of — Grief! It’s not as much fun as the actual game show of similar title. Fewer fabulous prizes and fortune, for sure. 😆
But thinking of grief this way has helped me let go of the idea that I can plan for my emotional state on a given day or at a given time.
Every morning I wake up and spin the Wheel of Grief. Some days I get “Feeling okay!” Other days I get “Cry on and off all day!” or “Lose your glasses. 300 times!” or “Forget what time (or day or month) it is!”
Some days I spin the wheel all day long, bouncing from brain-foggy sadness to deep gratitude for the people in my life to irritability about all. the. things.
During the first couple hours of today I felt lonely, anxious, okay, happy, silly, grateful, sad, focused, and exhausted. Then I ate breakfast.😳
I’m learning that no matter where the wheel lands, the more I can turn to my experience with compassion and kindness, the better it is for everyone. So that’s a thing I am working on.
I have the capacity to appreciate things today, so here’s what’s on the list.
Today I appreciate…
Whatever your spin of the wheel gives you today, I am sending so much love and compassion your way. I hope you can feel it. ❤️
I wrote about some additional grief resources that have helped me in my July newsletter, which you can read here.
Here are a few of the cards I’ve been making as part of my meditation / soothing self-care. On the days when I don’t have the energy for making anything, I pop one of them in the mail to a friend. Both the making and the sharing are helping me get through my days.
In the midst of 3 big health events in my family I’ve been feeling all the feels. ALL. THE. FEELS.
I am so looking forward to the soothing and settling that happens for me every time I teach a class.
If you’re looking for some soothing, settling, and fun, join us Tuesday for The Art of Appreciation! I would love to see you there!
More details below or you can register for this free, 1-hour zoom class here.
The Art of Appreciation
Tuesday, April 12, 2022
7:00 – 8:00 PM CT
This is my favorite class to teach! Not only is gratitude easy to understand and practice, research shows that of all the character strengths, appreciation is the single best predictor of well-being.
In the April Happier Brains Class we will practice some somatic techniques and then learn simple, science-backed methods for reducing stress and increasing joy through different practices of gratitude.
This class is offered free via zoom.
One thing I have learned about having a chronic illness is to expect the unexpected. I mean, I never really DO expect it, but wouldn’t it be fantastic if I did?!? 
This week the small and mighty superhero who lives inside me (it’s my pacemaker / ICD) did a fantastic job of keeping me alive. I love that!
On Wednesday, I had an episode of V-tach (heart rate spike) and after I passed out, my darling device zapped my heart and said, “Tut, tut. None of that now. Settle down.” And then my heart said, “Oh, okay.” and did. Settle down, that is.
I’m home from the hospital. I’m fine. You can read more on Caring Bridge here.
In addition to not driving for 3 months, I will be leaning into asking for help, feeling the love and support around me, and appreciating what I have. And refreshing my Art of Appreciation class coming up on April 12th. I’ll have some fresh new examples of how it can work! 😆
Today I appreciate the darling people in my life who bring me flowers, offers me rides, give me space to rant and rave and cry, and who make teeny tiny cards for me. You make my life feel magical and so full of love. 
seriouslyhappy2.com 